The United Church of Canada has two sacraments – Baptism and Communion. By contrast the Roman Catholic Church has seven sacraments. As a Protestant denomination we hold more emphasis on the preached word and less emphasis on ritual and liturgy. We recognize Sacraments as the the two actions where another element is present – water in Baptism, bread and juice in Communion. We describe a Sacrament as “a visible sign of God’s invisible grace”. In some ways I appreciate that, but in other ways I regret that we do not recognize some of the holy moments of people’s lives by naming those also with ritual with sacramental significance.
I have been thinking a lot about this lately, in part because recently I have officiated at two funerals that felt very much like holy moments and sacramental. Funerals are such emotional and tender experiences. We gather together, family and community, there are tears, there is laughter, and with any luck egg salad sandwiches and butter tart squares or nanimo bars. Hymns are sung, scripture is read, tributes are given and the Spirit of the Holy infuses every aspect of the time together.
Funerals vary in their atmosphere depending on the age of the deceased, the circumstance of their death, the closeness of the mourners to one another, and even the personality of the one we honour. My most recent funeral was for a woman of great faith who wanted her Memorial time to be more of a hymn sing than a mournful service. The church was packed and the music was outstanding as people honoured her request with full voice and spirited singing. Sure, there were still lots of tears especially y during the more poignant of her hymns choices but there was also laughter and most importantly gratitude for who she was and how she lived her life. It was truly a celebration of her life and it felt sacramental in our remembering.
I think that funerals are the most touching of services that I get to officiate. People are generally at their most vulnerable when facing the reality of death and are, therefore, fully open to the power of the Spirit to bring comfort and strength. Sure there are feelings of anger and sorrow and regret and disappointment and hurt and confusion and grief but there is also a sense of comfort in the review of a person’s life and in the sharing of stories of that person’s impact on others. Even the hospitality time after, as the cookies get devoured, and the tea gets poured, and the hugs are shared with tears and smiles, there is a sense of healing relief. From beginning to end a funeral is filled with holy moments.
Many people assume that the highlight of my work would be weddings. I, and many of my colleagues, would say, actually conducting a funeral is a richer time. Planning a funeral is a highlight because it is such a sacred time to be with a family at that milestone time when the Spirit surrounds us with openness and comfort. It is one of the most significant of times for me as a minister and it feels sacramental.
So beautiful and I agree, Nancy. I have always felt that my music was much more effective at a funeral than any other church event I’ve played for. I work to make the music respond to the mood I feel from the family and guests. Whenever I attend a funeral with canned music, I have felt that so much was missing. Having had several tough funerals in my life, I found that I heard the music and, because it was there, it had a comforting effect on how I handled the emotions. You perform beautiful funeral services and the security and comfort you bring is so admirable. Truly, you are a Servsnt of God.