Limbo

Limbo is defined as, “An uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition”. I feel like I have been living in limbo for a long time. It’s been almost two years since I began the divided life of staying primarily at my brothers in order to work at churches in the Bowmanville and Courtice area. For the first year I went home to Bracebridge quite regularly. Every week I would make the two hour drive up, stay for a few days then drive back down. That has gotten tedious. I love my house there but I realized in the fall that it was time to relocate and be closer to family. I put my house up for sale in October and it has yet to sell. The real estate market is as flat as a pancake and while I have had lots of lookers I have had no buyers. I have been looking a little bit but until I know I can make the leap I am being very tentative about setting my sights on a house that I might want to live in. So … I live in limbo. My brother is very gracious and puts up with me without complaint but I would like to feel settled.

Living like this means that other things drift into uncertainty. Like my blog for example. This week I received notice from two regular readers that something was amiss. Seems my credit card that was to automatically pay for the site was not up to date. That necessitated a lot of scrolling around and online chat to get that sorted out and as I write this I am still not certain I have solved the riddle of why it won’t work. If you are reading this … it means success is mine!

Yesterday I drove to Bracebridge and spent 24 hours there with one of those hours sitting in my car on the street while a real estate showing went on in my house. Between the driving back and forth and the sitting and waiting I had lots of time to think about limbo. I don’t know – how do you handle that in between time when you know a decision is coming but it is not made yet? When you know you are on the cusp on a life-changing event but it hasn’t quite happened? I realize my decision is minor compared to people facing surgery or treatment. My situation is laughable compared to what is going on in many places around the world where violence and warfare are causing people to flee and families to grieve monumental losses. Nothing in my life can compare to the rupture of society and culture that is happening in Ukraine and Palestine. And while I try to keep everything in perspective and acknowledge I am fretting about moving from one fortunate situation to another, I still feel at loose ends and in limbo.

When I am in situations that puzzle, perplex or paralyze mt thinking I try to relate it to someone in scripture, a biblical character I resonate with. Do you remember the story of Jesus being in a crowded house and people were clamoring for healing and four people carried their friend and when they could not get through the crowd they lowered him through the roof right down in front of Jesus. (Not to get sidetracked by the piece of the story that always makes me wonder who paid for the roof repairs?!?!) But what about that poor person laying in a hammock while they clambered up to the roof and then precariously lowered him down. Was it blind faith, gripping need or deep trust? What limbo was he in as they snaked through the crowd, pushing people aside, raised him up, lowered him down. Yikes. And yet the story stands that in the unnerving exercise healing happened. Resolution came. Faith was lived.

I don’t like living in limbo. But I know that resolution is coming and through this process I am learning something. It is just not completely clear to me right now what the lesson is. But I do believe that hindsight will make it clear.