(Ir)Reverend Ramblings

I drive a five year old to school every morning. It keeps me on my toes. She is bright and inquisitive. I need to be on the look out for shapes or patterns or colours or letters or whatever else her curious mind wants us to look for, in our five minute drive from her house to the school. She also likes to learn things and when I use words she doesn’t know she is quick to ask what the words means. For instance, this week it was nostalgia. I can’t remember why I happened to use nostalgia in our conversation but she was eager to know what that word meant. I think she liked the feel of it, as the word rolled around her mouth. Nostalgia. I did my best to explain it in five-year old language. I am not sure she understood it and she soon moved on to other topics. I have continued to feel nostalgic.

According to the dictionary nostalgia is defined as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations”. I have lived so long that I have many “happy personal associations” and this time of year and this season seems to stir them from slumber. As I carried the Christmas decorations up from the basement to begin to ‘trim’ the house I thought about the richness of the season. And with that, memories of my people tumbled around my memory. Nostalgia overwhelmed me.

My father died when I was 27. My mom died when I was 39. My husband died 3 years ago. Each of these people were pivotal in my life at its various stages. How can I unpack Christmas decorations and treasures without being awash with nostalgia? The waves of nostalgia can bring smiles and tears in equal measure and often simultaneously.

There is an old Christmas tune that begins with the words, “Christmas makes me feel emotional”. Today as we taped the music for the remaining Christmas seasons I could feel the tug of my heart strings as we sang the beloved carols and I remembered singing them with my beloved beside me, his beautiful bass voice singing harmony. On the weekend when I baked my Christmas cake, I pictured in my mind’s eye, my mom’s old cookbook with the splattered and spotted page from which she read her recipe for Carrot Pudding – always the ending to our Christmas dinner.

The funny thing about nostalgia is it is both comforting and painful. Longing and sentiment can salve and hurt at the same time. And I think, my friends, that is part of the power and draw of Christmas. It holds before us the sorrow and the joy. The Bethlehem story is filled with sorrow and joy woven together to spin out the depth of the human experience. A baby. An unreasonable census. A threatening political oppressor. Shepherds singing and dancing in delight. The struggle of a long journey. The joy of a brilliant star. The story is told to remind us that, yes, life is filled with extremes and that God is in the midst of all of it. I am grateful for that assurance.

Today is “Giving Tuesday”. This started as a counter balance to the greed of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. It seems that for North Americans, after spending so much on ourselves in shopping over the weekend, we need a curative to shed the self-indulgence by thinking of others.

It is purely narrative, but some people are telling me that these days they have more money than usual because they can’t spend it on entertainment or travel or eating out. But I also know, by the phone calls and inquiries at the church door there are many people finding it hard to make ends meet with jobs lost and hours reduced. The pandemic has meant a win for some but a huge loss for many.

Here at the church we have been astounded and delighted by how faithful our donors have been over these last months. We are blessed that our offerings have kept pace with other years. We are still in the red as we have not been able to have rental income for our space used by the public and we have had very limited opportunity for annual fundraisers. We will be okay, but moving into 2021 will be done with a deficit. I am hearing from other churches that many are struggling and the end of the pandemic might well bring the end of many congregations ability to remain open. Likewise, our denominations Mission and Service Fund has been dealt a blow as many congregants make tough choices as to who and what to support.

Giving and sharing is part of the fiber of faith, for Christianity and all faith groups. Looking beyond ourselves is an element of God’s call to faithfulness. And it is something we do all year long, not just on ‘Giving Tuesday”. Nonetheless, sometimes we do need to be reminded to give, to give that bit extra, to give as much as we can, to give from a place of generosity, to give from a heart of compassion, to give because it feels good to do so.

What will ‘Giving Tuesday” look like for you? Is it time to top up your gifts to charities for the year 2020? Is it time to balance your cheque book and then balance your giving? And what is your motivation for giving? Duty? Generosity? Family tradition? There are many factors that contribute to our determination of what and who we support. The important thing is that we do give as we are able. Bottom line … and when it comes to accounting there is always a bottom line … it is a good thing to do.

I read somewhere that a person needs a certain number of hugs in order to be healthy. I couldn’t remember the details so … I googled it! I discovered that it was family therapist, Virginia Satir who said a person needs “4 hugs for survival, 8 hugs for maintenance and 12 hugs for growth”. In these Covid days when we cannot even shake hands or stand near each other, hugs are a long forgotten luxury. I am not a big hugger. I don’t always like to be hugged by people that I am not close to but I do have a growing understanding of the expression “skin hunger”. As one who lives alone, I feel acutely the loss of the physical touch of another human being. This is not a cheap plug for sympathy it is a recognition that mental and physical health is being challenged by Covid in ways other than by a contagious virus.

People live in tribes or clans or colonies or communities for a reason. We need one another. There are human needs for others – a need for conversation – a need for mentoring – a need for support – a need for touch. Since the beginning of the Covid pandemic we have discovered ways to communicate through technology but an email or a Zoom call – looking at a screen – is not the same as holding someone’s hand, having someone touch your shoulder or getting a hug. With Covid, when someone gets too close I move away. When someone goes to shake my hand I say, “Sorry, I am not comfortable with that.”

As we face into a winter of separation and isolation I am particularly worried for those who live with anxiety, addiction and just plain loneliness. I can’t come up with a Bible verse or story that gives a solution. I do remember lots of stories of people feeling isolated and like outcasts and when touch was a source of healing. There is the story of Jesus reaching out to touch lepers, of him touching and healing a bent-over woman, and the story of him speaking kindly to a woman fetching water in the middle of the day as she, presumably, avoided nosy neighbours. There are stories that speak of the importance of touch – a woman massaging Jesus feet with expensive ointment, and Jesus washing the disciples feet. All showing aspects of human kindness, healing, humility and the importance of touch.

We will, of course, get through all this. In the future, stories, even tall tales, will be told of the year 2020 but right now I am thinking mostly of the simple day to day needs that we are uncovering as we hunker down and stay apart and stay safe. When this is all over I will be very happy to hug my family and my friends.

Recently I saw a quote, “Honour the space between no longer and not yet.” That is definitely the space we are in… no longer the way it was and not yet the way it will be. We have had several conversations here at the church wondering what Christmas will look like around here. The common response is, “Who knows!”. We are trying to make plans even as we live in these in-between times. We all know what we have lost, what we cannot do anymore, what is no longer, those things are easy to name. But we have not yet figured out what the future looks like. We are not there yet and this ‘pandemic hiatus’ can either make us crazy or give us time to pause and reflect.

We are in liminal time. Liminal comes from the Latin word ‘limen’, meaning ‘threshold’. In it’s literal sense, a threshold is a doorway. Liminal is often used to describe the threshold, or gateway between two stages. Liminal is also used to describe in-between spaces, places and feelings. Author and theologian Richard Rohr defines liminal time this way, “It is when you have left, or are about to leave, the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run … anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing.” He goes on to say that ancient cultures referred to liminal space as “crazy time“.

How does this liminal time feel for you? What is happening for you during this pandemic pause. Are you holding your anxiety? As we now move into month 8 of changed living I am finding a continued call to go deeper into the issues of my personal life – confronting grief, considering relationships, assessing my issues, oh, c’mon – we all have issues. We have gone beyond sorting our sock drawer and baking bread (okay, I never really baked bread but I hear that other people did!) and now we know that this time of spending time alone, this time as we bubble with a small group of people, and spending time with God, is going to be with us for some time yet to come.

Our Executive Council meets this week and I have asked them to come having thought about what it means to be the church in liminal times – what is our ministry as this time stretches into the next few months? What are we praying for in this liminal time and where is God for us in liminal time? I think we can do better than make it “Crazy time”. I think we need to honour the time that is between “no longer and not yet”.

This afternoon I am going to be planting my spring bulbs – a good Sabbath day activity. Plunging dry bulbs into darkness for them to burst forth with colour and fragrance in the spring. As I plant, and plant, and plant I will be thinking about liminal time and what it means for me and for my church.

I heard the other day that people are reporting Covid dreams. Dreams where they feel overwhelmed, or dreams from which they can’t escape. Whoever could have thought a year ago the word Covid would be such a regular part of our vocabulary or that we would be having Covid dreams? I say we are having them because I had one!

On Sunday night, or rather early Monday morning, I had a dream that caused me to wake from sleep in a state! It was maybe more of a nightmare than a dream. And, I am reluctant to put it in print but … it involved Donald Trump. So, yes, a nightmare. I, and some other very frightened people, were locked in a room with him and he was threatening to kill us because we wouldn’t vote for him. He was blustering and menacing and intimidating. I woke up frightened and anxious and it took me a while to settle back into sleep.

Dreams often reveal to us, in those misty, semi-awake moments between being asleep and being awake, what our sub-consciousness is wrestling with. The images that come forward often speak to what is troubling us or what is feeling heavy on our mind. Early on I learned that dreams, no matter how crazy they are, can open up to us what it is our spirit is grappling with.

Dreams are big in the Bible and most often the dreamer is having a Godly, spiritual encounter. Jacob wrestled with God. Joseph had many dreams after his brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. The Christmas story is filled with dreamers – Joseph the father of Jesus, and the magi all had dreams to help them understand their role in God’s unfolding drama.

Dreams always more about the dreamer than the actual dream. I am not sure what my dream revealed to me of God but I do know I was rescued before I was hurt and I was believed when telling my rescuers of my fear. And maybe that is what my dream was really about – my fear in these Covid days and my worry that they will never end and I will be locked in this half-life forever. I know that is not true but the sub-conscious worries about its own worries.

As a result of my nightmare I have resolved to try and focus on the positive not what I am missing. I have decided to seek out the ways of escape not dwell on the ways I am locked in. I believe God comes near to us in our dreams, opening us up to new possibilities, and reminding us we are not alone. For that I am grateful.

Yesterday was Jimmy Carter’s birthday. He turned 96 making him the longest-lived President of the United States. He was President from 1977 to 1981. Around that time he was often referred to as a ‘peanut farmer from Georgia’. But, I think, in the long run, he is best known for his humility and his commitment to his faith. It is not uncommon to see photos of him still actively working for his favourite charity, Habitat for Humanity.

This week I, like many of you, have been bombarded with news clips of the American Presidential debate that happened on Tuesday night between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. Parts of the dialogue are soul destroying. It is hard to wrap my head around the concept that these two represent the best America has to offer when it comes to leadership. That reflection has led me to try and get some perspective on power and leadership. It is one thing to gain power through election. It is something completely different to be a leader.

Jimmy Carter has written many books. Some of this titles: “Palestine Peace Not Apartheid” “Our Endangered Values”, “Faith A Journey for All”, “Living Faith”, “A Call to Action: Women, Religion, Violence and Power”, “Keeping Faith: Memoirs of a President”, “The Virtues of Aging”, “Everything to Gain: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life”, “Talking Peace: A Vision For the Next Generation”, “A Government as Good as It’s People”. Compare those titles with the ones of books written by Donald Trump: “The Art of the Deal”, The Art of the Comeback” “Surviving at the Top”, “Time to Get Tough”, “How to Get Rich”, “Think Big and Kick Ass”. (Yes, he really did write a book titled, “Think Big and Kick Ass”). Now, I undeniably admit a bias in favour of someone who writes from a Christian and faith perspective. But anyone can see by scanning these titles that there exists between these two men an ocean of difference in their values and priorities. That brings me again to perspective on leadership versus power.

It is my view that a leader thinks beyond themselves and does whatever they can do to empower others to work beyond their own wellbeing to the wellbeing of the broader community. That shows leadership! To work, not for personal gain alone, but to work towards generosity and support for those beyond ourselves.

A leader points away from themselves towards others. A person might have power but how they use that power is what makes them a leader. Some of the best leaders I have known have given the attention to others and deflected it from themselves. A leader lets other people have the time in the spotlight. A leader helps others shine. People in power can be great leaders. Sadly, sometimes they are only there for the power, the prestige and the profit.

Jimmy Carter’s time as “official” leader lasted one term. But his leadership as a global citizen has lasted for decades. He is a leader, not without faults of course, but a leader in his thought and in his action. It just so happens that Jimmy Carter models his life after another great leader, one who stood up for human rights, one who elevated the people on the margins, one who went to his death defending what he believed in. One who, for 2000 years, has been heralded as one of the greatest leaders the earth has known. Even without political power he shifted the earth. Of course that leader was a humble peasant from Palestine. Power and leadership comes in different ways. Let’s be sure we keep our eyes open for leaders and follow them.

Did you feel it? Did you feel the earth tilt a bit today? This is the day of the Fall Equinox – the first day of the autumn season. Today the sun was exactly above the equator as it made its move from the Northern to the Southern Hemisphere. Today, the North Pole began to tilt away from the sun and day and night were approximately the same length. For the next months the days will be shorter and the nights will stretch out. And as the earth tilted, the season shifted and I am left wondering why, now that the frost is about to come and wilt my dahlias and destroy my snapdragons why now … finally … have my geraniums reached their peak? All summer I have been deadheading and coaxing and fertilizing and after weeks of reluctance, finally this week they have come into their own. It is as if they are trying to say, “Ha, we are giving you a burst of beauty just before frost so you will be sure to plant us again next year.”

I think geraniums are a lesson for life. We spend a lot of time getting ready in order to do some blooming. The autumn equinox is a good reminder of the balance between light and dark, north and south, preparation and result.

Today is a great day to get perspective on things and to shift in our own balance as to what is important and what can rest. As we celebrate the bounty of the summer’s produce this is a great time to write a Gratitude List. (I am grateful for my geraniums, by the way.) This time of year is a great time to honour the beauty of the earth – the sights (think orange leaves and bronze hillsides), the sounds (thing crickets and wild geese), the smells (think turned soil and wood smoke), the tastes (crisp apples and baked squash), the feel (shrugging into a fleece, crunching leaves underfoot). It is a day, a season to set aside Covid wariness and exult in the beauty that abounds all around us.

Autumn Blessings to you!

At the beginning of the summer I treated myself with the purchase of a beautiful fire pit. It is cut iron with an image of a bear and a cub toasting marshmallows! It is fun and serviceable. I have loved lighting up a fire and sitting there as the day fades away. There is something about staring into a campfire that grounds me. It give times to just sit and reflect.

Fire, in and of itself, is pretty magical. Strike a match – there is fire. Warming, brightening, dangerous fire. Yes, dangerous, we need only listen to the news reports these days to hear of the destruction being wrought by the wild fires on the west coast of the US. Forests, wood lots, pasture land, towns, homes and human life are being destroyed by fire as its sweeps its way across the landscape. But when it is contained and nurtured in my fire pit it is a spiritual time of reflection and meditation.

Last month as I sat by the fire, there was a full moon rising overhead. Can there be anything more grounding than a campfire and anything more expansive than a full moon overhead? I felt the power of both. I felt called in and opened up at the same time. It was an incredible time of prayer and the memory lingers like the smell of wood smoke.

Simple things can move us to God. Simple things like striking a match or watching the moon can take our imagination and our spirit to places of wonder and reflection.

After a few days of cool wet weather it is a beautiful afternoon. I think it will be a good night for a campfire. Time for some praying and some dreaming.

How do you start your day? What is the first thing that happens as you emerge from slumber? Is it with an alarm or do you wake up instinctively? Do you need coffee or tea in the morning? Is your house quiet or noisy? Do you like having the radio or tv on or do you like the silence of the morning? Do you look outside to check the weather? Do you take a walk around the yard, checking out the garden?

I have been thinking about ritual, daily rituals that we embrace almost unconsciously, those things we do without thinking but, when they are disrupted, our day feels off kilter.

I first think of ritual as something that we do repeatedly that brings meaning or order. The dictionary definition is “A religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order.” Communion is a ritual. Baptism is a ritual. But I also think that life is filled with many little rituals, habitual activities, that bring meaning. For me – it is a ritual to open my blinds first thing in the morning to see my garden. It brings me pleasure, anytime of the year, to see what is happening outside. My morning coffee is a ritual! I like the routine of filling the coffee maker, spooning in the coffee grounds, breathing in the aroma as it brews, and then that first flavourful sip. Ahhhh!

So I am pondering … what shifts routine to ritual? What happens to elevate what we ‘normally’ do to something that makes it ‘holy’? ‘Sacred’? I think it is something that makes us pause, something that stirs gratitude. An activity or experience that takes us to a place of sacredness. Something that moves us to prayer. A cup of coffee could be ‘just a cup of coffee’ or it could be a moment of gratitude for the grower who tended the plants, the picker who selected the beans, the trucker who moved the product, the grocer who lined the bags on the shelf, the technician who made sure the water was safe, the plumber who installed the faucet, the sensory gift that lets me smell and taste and see. All of these things combine to make that first sip a moment of gratitude, a moment of holy wonder for the goodness of creation. A moment that moves me to prayer for the goodness of life and all its riches.

How about you? Do you have a habit that is really more like a ritual – something that moves you to holy space?

The five Sundays after Labour Day are designated as Creation Time. This is a season we set aside to honour and appreciate creation. This seems like a bit of a no-brainer! The stewardship and care of creation is strong throughout the Biblical narrative but the reality is that Christianity has had, and continues to have, a checkered history in this regard. Many have interpreted the verse from Genesis, “To have dominion over” as a call to exploitation rather than to one of care. While there is evidence all around us some Christian groups will deny, or at least give little attention to the Climate crisis that is so clearly in evidence in the environment.

Our commitment to care for creation, despite evidence to the contrary, is deeply ingrained in Christian writing. Centuries ago, Basil the Great (who lived from 329 to 379) wrote, “I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you the clear remembrance of the Creator …One blade of grass or one speck of dust is enough to occupy your entire mind in beholding the art with which it has been made.” (Hexaemeron, Homily V, ‘The Germination of the Earth’.)

With the impact of Covid19 many front burner issues – like the Climate Crisis – have been pushed to the back burner. But that does not mean it has gone away. While we celebrate the small shifts we have noticed with less human activity we also see the continuance of disregard as disposable face masks litter the streets and float in the lakes and rivers. We need to keep vigilant in the care for creation and remember that every element of creation, every tree, rock, leaf, human, bears the imprint of God.

When we look and listen, when we open our hearts to creation we are looking at listening to and opening ourselves to God.

Here is my challenge to you for today. Go outside. Go for a hike or a walk in nature, sit in a lawn chair. Find some token of nature – a leaf, a flower and keep it on your table as a connection to the earth. Every time you notice it say a prayer of gratitude.