Regrets – I’ve Had a Few

Frank Sinatra sang it, “… Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention…” I have been thinking about regrets because I just finished reading the book by Matt Haig called ‘The Midnight Library’. In it the main character, Nora, decides she is tired of her life, tired of living and decides to end it all. She ‘wakes’ up in the midnight library. There, accompanied by her elementary school librarian Mrs. Elm, she is compelled to look into a book that contains all the regrets she has from her life. As she considers each regret she is given the book that tells how her life would have turned out had she made a different choice. It is an engaging read, a great summer read, and has left me reflecting on the impact regrets have on how we live out our life.

I confess regrets are part of my reflections somedays. ‘If only’ and ‘what if’ can pepper my thoughts as I consider how my life has turned out. Let me hastily add that I am not disappointed with my life and I am no where close to feeling the depths of despair that forced poor Nora to enter the midnight library. I have had a great career in a vocation I felt called to, I had a great marriage and am generally satisfied with how things have turned out for me. But I do sometimes ruminate on what would have happened had I made a different choice when a choice had to be made. And yes, that does lead to regretting some of the things I chose to do or chose to say or which decision I chose to make. The interesting thing about visiting the regrets of life is that we generally think that if we had made a different choice life would have been better. But, of course the likelihood of that is slim to none. I think we generally make the best decision at the time based on the information we have at the time. It is only in retrospect we think we could have done better, been better, acted better.

For many years the Prayer of Confession was a regular part of the liturgy in a church service. It gave people the opportunity to name those things, those sins, those actions that caused them regret or pain or were simply the wrong thing to do. I have noticed that confession, like the word sin, has fallen out of favour. I think it is because it feels negative, disempowering, even depressing to think of what we did wrong. But, in truth, there is a role for confession and reviewing our past, not to wallow in our sins and errors but to put them behind us, to gain perspective, and to move on with a healthier attitude.

In the book Nora discovered that some of her possible lives were good, some were great, some were terrible. And that is the truth of it. Choices mean consequences. So, yes Frank, regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention. How about you? Are there regrets in your life you can’t shake off?