I officiated at a graveside service last week. There were just seven of us. Five from the family, the Funeral Director, and me. The deceased died a few months ago and it was only now we could gather to inter his ashes into the family grave site.
It was a steamy hot day. It was one of those humid August days. A day when the sun beams down and the air is heavy and damp with moisture. My mother would describe it as “close”. Clouds rolled overhead and it felt that a cloudburst could come any minutes and it would have been welcome just to dispel the humidity.
The deceased was 88 when he died and his life had many interesting facets … an immigrant to Canada, an active career, interesting hobbies, a loving family. What did we talk about as we stood there at his graveside? The weather. Yep, that’s right, the weather. Of course, we laugh that as Canadians we always talk about the weather. People who come to our country think this is odd until they realize that, unlike countries where the weather is constant and unchanging, the changing weather of Canada is a valid topic for conversation. Too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry, too windy, too snowy, there is always something to talk about. But it did strike me, as we stood there, with so much we could have talked about, that instead, we talked about the weather, “It’s a hot one.” “Looks like rain.” “The weatherman didn’t say rain.” “It’s been a hot summer.” “They say it will be a hard winter.” and on an on.
The whole conversation got me to thinking, why do we do this? What is it that makes us spend so much time talking about the weather? I have concluded it is because it is safe, it is obvious, it is not personal, it does not take emotional involvement and we can walk away and the conversation has provided some interaction with another without being too revealing or intense. It is also obvious – the weather is around us.
Since that day in the cemetery I have been considering how conversations engage us, or don’t! How much do we reveal about ourselves when we talk to others? What level does friendship need to reach in order for us to truly open up to another as to what is going on in our minds? Our hearts? Our souls? For myself I need to have a pretty high comfort level around confidentiality. I don’t like to think of people talking about me to other people even though I know that happens all the time – it’s human nature. I also have to feel a comfort level that we are sympatico. I need to feel that the other understands me before I reveal too much of my inner thoughts. And, I need to feel safe – a feeling that the other person will hold whatever I say with integrity and kindness and that there will be no judgement.
All that got me thinking about the personality of Jesus. So many of the stories about him tell of his immediate connection with others, even strangers he met along the way, who immediately felt connected to him and felt comfortable to reveal details about themselves that gave him insight into who they were at a soul level. I like to think about Jesus being so approachable, so open, that I could have talked to him about important things and not just about the weather! But, as I thought about it, I realized that there are people in my life that let me be that honestly open about the fears and doubts, as well as the joy and gratitude that fills my life. I am grateful to those people. Those people who are the Jesus people in my life. Because, there is so much more to talk about than the weather!
